COOP COOPER is an independently syndicated film critic with a split personality. His “Southern Side” prints mainstream reviews that appear in various print publications across the mid-south. His “Dark Side” from Los Angeles befouls the site with reviews of horror and grindhouse flicks. Welcome to the site where COOP’s two halves (and his contributors) review and debate the latest film/DVD releases…

Coop’s most recent MICRO REVIEWS (via Twitter):

Yep, I’ve been slackin’. Maybe it’s the weak summer box office releases getting me down. At least I’ve been watching a lot of low-budget horror… an unapologetic passion of mine. Groovy…

IN AMERICA: Fine acting, but ultimately pretentious Oscar-bait about modern Irish immigrants. Includes an AIDS subplot? Ick. 2&1/2 out of 5.

NECROMENTIA: Ripoff of HELLRAISER in theme and visuals, but told backwards. Terrific atmosphere and creep factor. Inept story. 2 out of 5

GALAXY OF TERROR: Goofy, gory Corman shocker. Flimsy storyline with some neat H.R. Giger visuals and monsters. Worst ending ever. 2 out of 5

MACABRE: Better than average, ultra-gory killer family story out of Indonesia. Creepiest lead villain in Asian movie history. 3&1/2 out of 5

JONAH HEX: Cool comic book premise gets railroaded into cinematic hell. Everything sucks, especially Jonah’s face makeup. 1&1/2 out of 5

A-TEAM: Sloppy… but great actors/characters have undeniable chemistry. Nice action. Better than THE LOSERS. Murdock rules. 3&1/2 out of 5…

Coop’s most recent MICRO REVIEWS (via Twitter):

THE CRAZIES (2010): Great first half, effective scares (pitchfork!) but ignored much of what worked in the original. 3 stars

[REC]2: Creative continuity/action/camerawork, but “Exorcist” twist undermines the mythology of original. 2&1/2 stars

FROM PARIS WITH LOVE: Travolta = over the top and action scenes = outrageous, a must see for action fans. 3&1/2 stars

HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON: Better than AVATAR in story and intent. Total pleasant surprise. Take kids now. 4&1/2 stars

SHE’S OUT OF MY LEAGUE: Sub-par comedy. Baruchel unlikably insecure. Cop-out ending. Title ironically true. 2 stars.

NINJA ASSASSIN: Good gore. Bad CGI shurikens. Rain = ok. Lead actress sucks. Sho Kosugi rocks. Lame plot. 2 stars.

LEGION: Amazing concept. Angels + weapons = BOOM. Weak execution. All characters unlikable. Wings clipped. 2&1/2 stars.

Oh… My… God… Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new David Cronenberg. This silly indie movie had me cackling and howling for its full 90 minute run time. Did I say silly? Because I meant AWESOME. Dr. Heiter (The now imminent character actor Dieter Laser) hates humans, despite being a very weird one himself. No longer satisfied with de-freak-a-fying Siamese twins, Dr. H decides to surgically conjoin a trio of Rottweilers from maw to anus just for kicks. The result: His most cherished pet. When his beloved 3-dog dies, he creates a heartfelt tombstone for it and buries 3-dog in the backyard. Afterwards he feels a loss that only escalating unnecessary surgery can cure. His next project: THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE (FIRST SEQUENCE) is a go. That all happens BEFORE the movie starts mind you….

Does anyone remember that bizarre pop song that Alice Cooper did for the Friday the 13th movie franchise? Yeah, I didn’t either until a friend reminded me that it existed. FT13 Part 6 was poised to resurrect (literally) the flailing franchise who already saw the demise of it’s main character, Jason, in IV and replaced him with a temporary impostor in V. Nobody liked that, so what was their solution for 6? Death to Arnold Horshack from Welcome Back, Kotter. Just kidding, but not really…

That’s right, I said it. The cat’s out of the bag. There’s no going back now…

Michael Dougherty’s long-beleaguered holiday film has finally found a wide-release on video. Originally slated for a theatrical release in October 2007, Warner Bros. suddenly shelved it with no explanation. The rumor was that the bigwigs feared it would bomb competing against Saw IV and then Saw V the following year. Not seeing an end to the Saw tradition of releasing a high-grossing film every Halloween (Saw VI releases this month), The WB decided to dump Trick ‘R Treat to a DVD/Blu-Ray release for Oct. 6 and market the hell out of it for one month.

What a low-down, dirty shame. One of the best Halloween movies of all time, it gets delayed for two years and it doesn’t even get a theatrical release. I hope someone leaves a flaming bag of crap at the Warner Brothers studio gate for that one…

Texas Chain Saw Massacre III: Leatherface (1990) was the biggest budget production of the original Chain Saw franchise before Michael Bay got his grubby little hands on them. It starred a young Viggo Mortensen as the handsome and deadly “Tex”, reliable character actor Tom Everett as a babbling maniac and genre legend Ken Foree as a heroic survivalist nut.

Oh yeah, and Leatherface sports a sweet mullet…

It’s a sad weekend when your best new release choice is another lousy horror remake. I strongly disliked director Rob Zombie’s first “Halloween” remake in execution and in principle. It made a mint, but was so poorly received by critics and fans of the original classic, the indignant Zombie swore to not do a sequel. Two years later he broke that promise with a sequel even poorer than his first. Methinks dollar signs and ego played a part in his decision to beat a dead horse and I sincerely doubt after this stinker, anyone would want to see a third…

Quentin Tarantino is a bona fide oddity in the modern film industry. The bulletproof director stays independent and non-union but he still manages to find the budget to fulfill his every whim. He takes his sweet time getting there, but what he creates often gains a massive amount critical/public scrutiny and acclaim. A long-gestating vanity project for Tarantino, “Inglourious Basterds” achieves some cinematic feats that rank it in the highest categories of cinema. For Tarantino fans, this is an admirable achievement. Unfortunately for…

I’ll wager very few X-Files fans know that Mitch Pileggi (Assistant Director Skinner) on the popular show got his genre start as a crazed serial killer. That’s right, old Uncle Mitch once played Horace Pinker, one of the meanest villains ever to grace the silver screen. He’s so mean, he even nearly beat his son to death for interfering with matricide. He’s so mean, he gets his jollies wasting entire families with a Rambo knife. He’s so mean, even the Electric Satan won’t let him die after an execution by electric chair…

Some would credit Director Michael Mann as the undisputed king of cop vs. robber crime epics. Creating TV shows like “Miami Vice” and “Crime Story,” plus his perfect opus “Heat” gives him all of the street cred needed to tackle the true-life story of notorious bank robber John Dillinger and the G-Men commissioned to take him down. An apparent slam-dunk for the maestro of modern shoot-em ups. After coming off his lousy remake of “Miami Vice,” I would’ve expected Mann to step his game. As they say in the 1930’s gangster movies of old: No dice…

How many years have we been waiting for this one? Two? Three years? Whatever, here’s a 10 minute clip of the long-delayed anthology Halloween movie “Trick ‘r Treat” just in time for summer (say what?). Apparently it will receive a possible limited theatrical run then go straight to DVD and Blu Ray in time for the Season of the Witch. Such a shame because…

I don’t freakin’ believe it. I figured Whiplash was at the bottom of the list for villain in next “Iron Man” film but I was wrong. Dead wrong… and this here pic proves it:

Most of us would agree that the bare-endoskeletal Terminators and all of its other models are probably the baddest killer robots of them all, so in honor of them and “Terminator Salvation,” I’m going to rate them higher than #1. Hey, it’s my list I’ll do it if I wanna so I can leave more room for the Baddest Killer Robots of all time in film…

Dark Horizons reports that universally hated German director, Uwe (pronounced “Oo-vuh”) Boll is offering co-producing credits on his next movie to anyone who sends him $49 smackeroos. Basically, he’s wants us internet schlubs to finance his next movie.
Hold on there, Cletus. Before you pull out your wallet, remember that Boll is the guy who brought [...]

Click PLAY on the YouTube player below to listen to “Roar! (The Cloverfield Overture by Michael Giacchino)” while you read…

2008 – THE MONSTER from “Cloverfield”
“Clovey” as some like to call him (not me though), inspired a internet frenzy of fan art and speculation over what he (or she) might look like before the movie premiered. [...]