THE LOSERS (2010) ** movie capsule by COOP

Posted on April 27th, 2010

An obnoxious rip off of “The A-Team”. There, I said it.

It starts off promising enough. An elite 5-man military team lead by Col. Clay (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) get betrayed by their handlers in an appropriately shocking and tragic double-cross. Disgraced but fortunately presumed dead, the team goes underground in Bolivia to live below the radar. A sleazy and mysterious woman named Aisha (Zoe Saldana who is now so overexposed and overhyped I can no longer root for her) locates the team and offers them the chance to get revenge on the ultra-powerful mastermind named Max (Jason Patric) who burned them. Col. Clay and the team accept the offer even though it’s extremely obvious they cannot trust Aisha. They smuggle themselves back into the U.S. and begin hitting Max where it hurts, right in the pocketbook. There’s also a ridiculous subplot involving a sonic superweapon that doesn’t go anywhere.

Too stylistic to be a straight-up action film, not stylistic enough to be a comic book flick and far too cliche and goofy to please anyone but a juvenile crowd; this film doesn’t work at all. The characters are too busy posturing, grinning and high-fiving each other to pull off a credible action scene. That sums up “The Losers” for you. It sets itself up to become a franchise but I’ll be surprised if it gets any additional interest past its DVD release.

Sorry, Jeffrey Dean Morgan. You were adequate as The Comedian in last year’s “Watchmen” but your mug and acting style makes you look like Brad Garrett’s meathead brother. Go for some range in your future role choices and we will see if you’ve got what it takes or if you’re a flash in the pan like Jeff Speakman or Gretchen Mol.

Fortunately, two characters did shine through. Oscar Jaenada plays Cougar, an intimidating ace sniper who wears a trendy leather cowboy hand and shoots more than he talks. His performance was by far the coolest and most iconic of the group. I think the filmmakers should re-edit the film to make Cougar the main character for the Latin/Hispanic film market. I think they could have a major hit on their hands if they did.

Also good was the team clown played by Chris Evans who is close to convincing me that he’s a much better actor than most give him credit for. I hope I’m right because he will play the role of Captain America in the near future. I’m praying he nails it.

I’m going to hold this film responsible for putting the final nail in the coffin that was Jason Patric’s career. As the annoyingly over-the-top arch villain of the story, I honestly can’t think of a more grating and irritating performance in the last several years. From his deformed hand to his inexplicably murdering employees for absolutely no reason, Patric’s Max was no prized role to begin with, but his performance was like watching Patric’s “Mr. Intense” character from the old Saturday Night Live sketch try to do a Frank Booth (Dennis Hopper’s character in ”Blue Velvet”) impression. Actually, there are no words to express the awfulness of this performance. After this and that art house, torture porn piece of crap he starred in with Maria Bello called “Downloading Nancy”, Patric’s career is over. Don’t call us we will call you, buddy.

“The Losers” lost me. Ha. Look at me, I’m Gene Shalit.

A new trailer for “The A-Team” movie adaptation played before the movie and looks far more fun than this waste of time. I’m going to look forward to seeing how Sharlto Copely plays “Howlin’ Mad” Murdock and forget “The Losers” ever existed.

“The A-Team” trailer below!…