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Top 11 Baddest Killer Robots! by COOP

Posted on May 26th, 2009
Posted on May 26th, 2009


Most of us would agree that the bare-endoskeletal Terminators and all of its other models are probably the baddest killer robots of them all, so in honor of them and “Terminator Salvation,” I’m going to rate them higher than #1.  Hey, it’s my list I’ll do it if I wanna so I can leave more room for the Baddest Killer Robots of all time in film. 

Here’s the rest of the criteria:  I’m not including any “Hals” or “Sonnys” or “Joshuas” in this list as these robots or A.I.’s were not expressly designed for destruction.  Any deaths resulting from their decisions were either caused by confusion, fear or malfunction, therefore they do not qualify as “killer.”  No Gorts or Battle Droids because they were just following orders and not out of control.  I’m also omitting androids and cyborgs from the list.  Why?  Because they look like humans and that’s cheating. 

Here are the robots you wouldn’t want to fight on a distant, future battlefield or in a dark alley.  They’re big, boxy and their voices sound like their echoing out of a tin can.  They are built for one thing and one thing only:  To CRUSH!  KILL!  DESTROY! and we cannot stop them…

11.  THE AUTONOMOUS MOBILE SWORD from “Screamers”

One of the darkest sci-fi films around, “Screamers” features a bleak future where not only has nuclear war made planet Sirius 6B unlivable, the losing side infested the entire planet with Screamer robots to keep the other side from ever occupying it again. Not great for the survivors who sit tight in hopes for a rescue from Earth. Even worse, the Screamers have evolved and they no longer take sides. The first variety of Screamer is by far the most intimidating: A fast-moving land mine with buzz saws instead of explosives…

10.  HECTOR from “Saturn 3” 

Hector was programmed to be a jerk. A psychopathic soldier (Harvey Keitel) assigned to a Titan research facility manned by only two other people (Kirk Douglas and Farrah Fawcett) builds Hector and downloads his nutty, murderous personality into Hector’s electronic brain.  Predictably, Hector rebels and sets his cameras firmly on Farrah’s form.  It’s “Fatal Attraction” robo-style!

9.  WARBEAST from “Death Machine”

Warbeast should be called the “Walking Cuisinart of Death,” because that’s all it’s built for.  Created by a mad scientist (Brad Dourif), Warbeast is not only indestructible, it tracks you through the pheromones you release when you experience fear.  If only the main characters had thought to get raging drunk and challenge Warbeast to a game of Quarters, maybe it wouldn’t be so chomp-happy…

8.  ED-209 from “RoboCop”

ED-209 got the short end of the stick. He was all set for military contracts and patrolling the streets of Detroit. Then THIS happens…

7.  M.A.R.K. 13 from “Hardware”

M.A.R.K. 13 gets its name from a bible verse, so you know it’s going to be destructive.  When a scavenger in a post-apocalyptic world sells the remains of a scrapped robot to a soldier for a quick buck, the soldier gives it to his metal sculpturist girlfriend as a gift.  Unfortunately for the girlfriend, the robot reawakens and can rebuild itself from scrap.  Suddenly, her peeping tom neighbor (William “Porkins” Hootkins who incidentally gets sliced to pieces by Warbeast as well) seems to be the least of her problems. 

6.  SENTINELS or SQUIDDIES from “The Matrix”

These Terminators attack in swarms of geometric patterns. When they aren’t ridding the world of humans, they are using them as batteries.  Kind of makes you wish you’d taken the blue pill doesn’t it?

5.  CYLON CENTURIANS from “Battlestar Galactica:  The Movie”

I actually saw the original BSG movie pilot in the theater, so I’m counting the Cylons.  In the 1978 BSG, Cylons were created by lizard aliens who used them as slave warriors.  The Cylons didn’t like that, slaughtered the lizards and set their sights on nuking 12 entire planets full of humans.  Let’s see the Terminators try that.  By your command! 

4.   PROTEUS IV from “Demon Seed”

While Hector merely wanted to rape Farrah Fawcett, Proteus IV actually succeeds in raping Julie Christie.  This oh-so-wrong movie from the 70’s was adapted from a Dean Koontz book and turned into one of the creepiest sci-fi films of the decade.  The body-crushing Rubik’s Snake killer robot must be seen to be believed and the hybrid robot child still gives me the jeebs…

3.  COLOSSUS from “Colossus:  The Forbin Project”

Much like Skynet from “Terminator,” Colossus comes into existence when both the U.S. and U.S.S.R. build opposing global defense computers and flip the switch.  Instead of squaring off, the two computers decide working together would be mutually beneficial.  They merge, become “Colossus” and give the world an ultimatum:  Obey or die.  Can the creator Dr. Forbin outwit his monstrous machine? 

2.  UNICRON from “The Transformers:  The Movie (animated)”

I know more than one person out there who would hunt me down if I didn’t throw a Transformer in there, so consider yourself duly placated:  Unicron… He eats planets. ‘Nuff said.

1.  MAXIMILLIAN from “The Black Hole”

My personal favorite, Maximillian was created by mad scientist, Dr. Hans Reinhardt to serve as his bodyguard aboard the U.S.S. Cygnus while researching black holes.  He intimidates and bullies the visiting crew of the Palomino and even kills after ignoring orders from his master.   Here’s the scene where we find out what happened to the original crew and witness Max’s most evil action (Bet you never thought you’d see disembowelment in a Disney movie, did you?)…

Honorable Mention:  IDAK: THE CRUSH!  KILL!  DESTROY!  ROBOT from “Lost in Space.”

He’s a TV robot, but he inspired that CKR line. He convinced me that all robots should wear Superman tights.  Witness one of the most unintentionally funny momnets in TV sci-fi history, complete with a Dr. Smith scream…

-Coop

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