OH NO YOU DIDN’T #1… New regular column! by DARK SIDE

Yep, we needed one of these. And look who they trusted to run it… ME!!! Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa!!!

Anywho… Here’s the lowdown on this column…

OH NO YOU DIDN’T includes the movie-related news that’s either absurd, funny or downright unbelievable. These are the only articles on this site that may (or may not) fall under the category of “celebrity gossip,” but the two ain’t mutually exclusive. That’s right, I say “ain’t”… big whoop, wanna fight about it? Here’s the latest ONUD item…

SNAKES ON A PLANE, the TV edit!!!!

I got this from a cheeky fellow at Careful with that Blog, Eugene. Yeah I know, it’s the most clever blog title I’ve ever heard of. I’m insanely jealous. Insane with rage. I’m gonna make Eugene (whomever he is) pay.

He somehow got the bright idea to feature the more inventive (read: ingeniously bad) TV edits for R-rated films. Once again, INSANELY jealous I didn’t think of it first. I stumbled on what he stumbled on (but not on “Stumble On”)… the TV edit for the most famous line in “Snakes on a Plane.” I’m gonna post it here but I give The Eugene full credit and I’ll fight anyone else who don’t. Get me?

Here, but pay attention: You MUST imagine Samuel L. Jackson saying, “I have had it with these mother f’n snakes on this mother f’n plane!!!” Keep in mind that this line was fully Rated-R and was not added until the studios realized everyone in the entire world wanted Sam Jackson to say this line. Got it stuck in your head? Good. Now listen to this…

Hi-larious.

However, it’s nowhere NEAR as hilarious as the “Repo Man” TV edit, a masterpiece that actually outperforms its R-Rated version in terms of sheer invention of new curse words yet to be logged into Webster’s or even the Urban Dictionary. Hell, I can’t even find a YouTube clip that shows even a minute of it. If you catch it on cable consider yourself lucky. You’ll learn new curses like…

• “Gall-darned melon farmer!”
• “Flip you!…  No, flip you!”
• And the immortal classic:  “Gypsy-flamin’ perdition’s box!” (????)

It used to play on BRAVO! all the time.  No spit!

Thanks to Eugene for spotlighting this lost art of censorship when most modern films either “bleep” or air a completely different version of the film (a ONUD post for another day).

Now all of you… laugh. LAUGH damn you!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

-Dark Side