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OH NO YOU DIDN’T #1… New regular column! by DARK SIDE

Posted on May 1st, 2009
Posted on May 1st, 2009


Yep, we needed one of these. And look who they trusted to run it… ME!!! Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa!!!

Anywho… Here’s the lowdown on this column…

OH NO YOU DIDN’T includes the movie-related news that’s either absurd, funny or downright unbelievable. These are the only articles on this site that may (or may not) fall under the category of “celebrity gossip,” but the two ain’t mutually exclusive. That’s right, I say “ain’t”… big whoop, wanna fight about it? Here’s the latest ONUD item…

SNAKES ON A PLANE, the TV edit!!!!

I got this from a cheeky fellow at Careful with that Blog, Eugene. Yeah I know, it’s the most clever blog title I’ve ever heard of. I’m insanely jealous. Insane with rage. I’m gonna make Eugene (whomever he is) pay.

He somehow got the bright idea to feature the more inventive (read: ingeniously bad) TV edits for R-rated films. Once again, INSANELY jealous I didn’t think of it first. I stumbled on what he stumbled on (but not on “Stumble On”)… the TV edit for the most famous line in “Snakes on a Plane.” I’m gonna post it here but I give The Eugene full credit and I’ll fight anyone else who don’t. Get me?

Here, but pay attention: You MUST imagine Samuel L. Jackson saying, “I have had it with these mother f’n snakes on this mother f’n plane!!!” Keep in mind that this line was fully Rated-R and was not added until the studios realized everyone in the entire world wanted Sam Jackson to say this line. Got it stuck in your head? Good. Now listen to this…

Hi-larious.

However, it’s nowhere NEAR as hilarious as the “Repo Man” TV edit, a masterpiece that actually outperforms its R-Rated version in terms of sheer invention of new curse words yet to be logged into Webster’s or even the Urban Dictionary. Hell, I can’t even find a YouTube clip that shows even a minute of it. If you catch it on cable consider yourself lucky. You’ll learn new curses like…

  • “Gall-darned melon farmer!”
  • “Flip you!…  No, flip you!”
  • And the immortal classic:  “Gypsy-flamin’ perdition’s box!” (????)

It used to play on BRAVO! all the time.  No spit!

Thanks to Eugene for spotlighting this lost art of censorship when most modern films either “bleep” or air a completely different version of the film (a ONUD post for another day).

Now all of you… laugh. LAUGH damn you!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

-Dark Side

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Trailer for the award-winning short PRISMA…


A corporate promotional VHS tape from 1984 conceals a brain-altering signal which is said to grant increased health, longevity and psychic powers to those who watch it. View at your own risk...

WINNER: SPECIAL JURY PRIZE, 2017 Oxford Film Festival

WINNER: BEST EXPERIMENTAL FILM, 2017 FantaSci Short Film Festival

SEMI-FINALIST: 2017 NanoCon International Science-Fiction Film Festival

NOMINEE: BEST ANIMATION, 2017 End of Days Film Festival

NOMINEE: BEST GRAPHICS, 2017 FantaSci Short Film Festival

OFFICIAL SELECTION:
2017 Nightmares Film Festival
2017 A Night of Horror Film Festival
2017 H.P. Lovecraft Film Festival
2017 Oxford Film Festival
2017 Crossroads Film Festival
2017 Clarksdale Film Festival
2017 Twisted Dreams Film Festival
2017 Tupelo Film Festival
2017 NanoCon International Sci-Fi Film Festival
2017 FantaSci Short Film Festival
2017 End of Days Film Festival
2017 Grenada Afterglow Film Festival
2017 Shiver International Film Festival

Trailer for the lost short GOD MAKER…


Northern Mississippi 1932:
In a cabin in the woods, a blind blues guitarist will discover his destiny from a lovesick goddess who seeks to corrupt his soul.

GOD MAKER remains unfinished and in limbo for now, but the trailer expresses the mood and imagery intended for the project...

Coop’s award-winning 48 hour short film trailer for REGRESS…


Told in reverse, this experimental made-in-48-hours film begins with a shocking murder then backtracks (like a viewer rewinding a VHS tape) to reveal the chilling origins of this tragedy.

WINNER: BEST SHORT FILM at the 2013 Clarksdale Film Festival...
NOMINATED: BEST DIRECTING by the 2012 48hr. Guerrilla Film Challenge (international contest)...
OFFICIAL SELECTION: 2013 Crossroads Film Festival

Watch Coop’s award-winning short film THE BEST DAY…


WINNER: 2012 MAGNOLIA FILM FESTIVAL "Best Homegrown Film"
WINNER: 2012 SEATTLE TRUE INDEPENDENT FILM FESTIVAL "Best Scream"

OFFICIAL SELECTION:
2012 OXFORD FILM FESTIVAL
2012 CLARKSDALE FILM FESTIVAL
2012 CROSSROADS FILM FESTIVAL
2012 NORTHEAST MISSISSIPPI FILM FESTIVAL
2012 ATLANTA INDIE HORROR FILM FESTIVAL
2012 OTHERFEST
2012 MISSISSIPPI INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL
2012 SUN AND SAND FILM FESTIVAL

Morgan Freeman asks Coop a question at THE BEST DAY premiere! Video below…


My short film THE BEST DAY premiered in October 2011 at the Delta Cinema in Clarksdale, Mississippi.

Little did I know I had a special guest in the audience who was about to ask me a question during the Q&A. Yep, I got a little flustered when I saw who it was.

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