MULTIPLE MOVIE ROUND-UP by THE DARK SIDE CRITIC

1. DEATH RACE (2008) *** now available on DVD

Jason Statham can kick my ass any day. Taking the role of “Frankenstein,” the death racer who can’t be killed (made famous by David Carradine in “Death Race 2000”), Statham once again plays a tough dude who can whoop tail and drive cars like a maniac.

I loved the original “Death Race 2000” and this one is a loose adaptation, but it has a few new tricks up its sleeve. Instead of driving cross-country and running over innocent civilians for points, these racers are prisoners on a closed course, racing for their freedom. Running over icons spread throughout the track will either arm certain vehicle weapons or spring deadly booby traps. It’s a videogame begging to happen. “Mario Kart” should sue.

Anyway, the only other character to appear from the original film is Machine Gun Joe played by Tyrese. Rumors originally had Sylvester Stallone pegged to return as Joe, one of his first non-porn roles ever. I’m sure once he finally got a hold of the script and discovered this Joe would be a gay black man with a gang of prison bitches, he decided to pass.

Joan Allen appears in her trashiest role ever, an evil warden who invented Death Race. She resorts to blackmail and even murder to ensure the success of her new sport. I’ve always hated her as an actress and even here she somehow manages to come across as stuck-up and pretentious. Nuts to her.

This one lacks the social satire and outrageous humor of the original, but hey it’s a Paul W.S. Anderson movie. Besides “Shopping” and “Event Horizon,” his reputation bad films has been sub-toilet with the critics and fans. I will give him credit where credit’s due… He does know how to blow stuff up real good. Watch this time-waster if you want to see cars go ka-boom. If you want a more fun movie, check out the original. Trailers below for both the recent and the 1975 versions…

2. LET THE RIGHT ONE IN ***1/2 in limited release

This Swedish import has ended up on many critics “best of 2008” lists. Oskar is a twelve year-old loner with revenge fantasies about stabbing the bullies who torture him mercilessly every day. One night he meets Eli, a girl who isn’t bothered by freezing temperatures and who takes a strange interest in the shy Oskar. Turns out Eli is an immortal vampire stuck in the body of a pre-teen. While she hides out in her apartment, her human caretaker is out botching attempts at killing residents to bring her fresh blood. As Eli’s situation grows dire, she becomes more dependent on Oskar for companionship.

While some are screaming at Hollywood studios to leave this one alone, I’m actually encouraged by the prospect of this one being remade for an American audience. The two child leads in the original are stiff actors and the script could use a few tweaks to make the story 100% solid. I can imagine a thoughtful remake becoming a huge horror hit. As long as they do the original justice. Trailer below…

3. TRANSSIBERIAN ***1/2 now available on DVD

Here’s a well-written Hitchcockian thriller from Brad Anderson, the director of two underrated masterpieces, “Session 9” and “The Machinist.” Ex-troubled soul Jessie (Emily Mortimer) and her jolly, optimistic husband Roy (Woody Harrelson) board the Transsiberian Express on a sightseeing tour after doing missionary work in China. They share a sleeping cabin with the El-Rico-Suave Spaniard Carlos (Eduardo Noriega) and his American companion Abby (Kate Mara). It’s obvious that Carlos, who’s seen too many Antonio Banderas movies, is a scumbag as he not-so-subtly tries to put the moves on Jessie, but he also has other plans for her. Meanwhile, Russian Inspector Grinko (Ben Kingsley) boards the train on the tail of some murderous drug mules, but he has ulterior motives of his own.

“Transsiberian” unfolds masterfully as the story takes some twists and turns you never see coming. It ends clumsily, missing a couple of opportunities and takes a confusing twist regarding Kingsley’s character. Nevertheless, I consider Anderson a master of psychological thrillers and I can’t wait to see what he does next.

Trailer below…

4. THE DEAD PIT * been available on VHS since the 80’s

What a piece of trash. This one mixes two plots in one and can’t decide what devices to use, so it throws everything in, including the kitchen sink. It’s got a psychic mental patient, a mad scientist, demons, a gateway to hell, zombies, a British bomb expert and a climax involving an exploding tower (that looks suspiciously like the one that looms over Sony Studios) full of holy water. Supposedly, this was a cult classic due to the decent gore effects and wacky plot. It’s a minor footnote in 80’s horror, only for completists (like myself) who have to see them all. A sloppy entry from Bret Leonard who directed three underrated films: “Lawnmower Man,” “Hideaway” and “Virtuosity.” Trailer below…

Going cold turkey isn’t as delicious as it sounds!

-The Dark Side Critic