THE DARK SIDE CRITIC LIVES!!!

You can view the proto-site here. Before my reign of terror begins… Lemme inject some humor into your miserable life…

There’s a show that’s been tickling my funnybone of late. It’s called “>Estate of Panic” on the Sci-Fi Channel. It’s a nutty gameshow where a-holes get sent to this mansion in hells-knows-where to go into f’ed-up rooms to grab money. Thing is, they gotta do it amongst snakes, spiders, electric wires, rotten meat, evil clowns, quicksand, maggots, flooded crevices, trash compactors, frozen lockers, locked vaults… basically the tamest parts of hell. It’s like “Saw” for real, except for housewives and little girls…

Non-apologies to the host, Steve Valentine… You may be a creep, but my mother called you, quote-Too dorky-unquote, to be scary or intimidating (ok, so I was home for Xmas and convinced her to put it on another gameshow other than “Wheel of Fortune,” big friggin’ deal). At least I didn’t choose “Deal or No Deal.” Howie is 100 times creepier, am I right? C’mon, Howie! Shake people’s hands! They ain’t gonna kill ya! (But they might give ya a fatal case of SALMONELLA BY CONTACT!!!… MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAA!!!). Howie’s a germ-o-phobe. That’s right, H. I outed ya. Suck it.

As for “Estate of Panic,” I’m waiting for the episodes (when the ratings get low) where they will face the “monkeys flinging excrement” room, the “plutonium leak” room, the “Japanese bukkake” room and the “two girls, one cup” room.

Until then, you get mildly entertaining pseudo-gameshow junk like this. Enjoy and cackle a bit at seeing these fools freak the hell out. I know I did. Watch the current, streaming episodes here. Watch one of the best episodes so far below…