COOP COOPER is an independently syndicated film critic with a split personality. His “Southern Side” prints mainstream reviews that appear in various print publications across the mid-south. His “Dark Side” from Los Angeles befouls the site with reviews of horror and grindhouse flicks. Welcome to the site where COOP’s two halves (and his contributors) review and debate the latest film/DVD releases…

Coop’s most recent MICRO REVIEWS (via Twitter):

Nothing brand new here, but I just can’t get the energy up to go see WANTED II… I mean, SALT…

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO: Quirky autistic hacker chick fights crime and has a lot of sex in Sweden. High brow yet boring. 2 out of 5

PECKER: Photog’s quick fame ruins lives of loved ones. Semi-autobio of John Waters. Clever allegory for artistic expression. 3&1/2 out of 5

WATCHING THE DETECTIVES: A girl (Lucy Liu) uses wild pranks to woo a nerdy boy (Cillian Murphy). Well-written indie rom-com. 3&1/2 out of 5

SALVAGE (2006): Girl relives her death at the hands of a serial killer over and over. Above par indie horror with a great twist. 3 out of 5

SALVAGE (2009): Mother searches for daughter during invasion by soldiers hunting a murderous mutant. Good tension, lame BBC plot. 2 out of 5

2012: John Cusack tries to save family from the apocalypse. Worst disaster movie ever. Roland Emmerich should take up bowling. 1 out of 5

APACHES: Sinister 1977 British public service film about irresponsible brats dying in farming accidents. Brutal and brilliant. 4 out of 5

Thy Twitter has spoken.

I love the “paranormal”. Hell, I AM the paranormal and I don’t wait around for Halloween just to get excited about the subject. So when Coop inherited a box of crazy from an amateur paranormal researcher, I was giddy. GIDDY, I say. Now Coop ain’t tellin’ me much about what’s in The Box [cue organ music and mad scientist laughter], but he’s already found some groovy stuff from this rogue investigator named Wes Cotten. Formerly based out of Memphis, TN, Wes has gone AWOL and left a bunch of his research for his old friend Coop to wade through and do what he wants to with it, including Wes’s creepy website THE MAN BEHIND THE DOOR…

Every few years or so, a film comes along that changes the way you look at cinema… One that incites scholarly debates, spawns books dedicated to analyzing it and inspires lesser filmmakers to shamelessly imitate it. Critics have to watch a lot (a whole lot) of bad movies to find these diamonds in the rough. I had a sneaking suspicion “Inception” might be a “crown jewel” in the rough, but often when I get that feeling I shuffle out of the theater with nothing but lumps of coal in my pocket. Not this time…

Coop’s most recent MICRO REVIEWS (via Twitter):

All I can think about is how jazzed I am about INCEPTION tomorrow…

PREDATORS: Cheesy fun that honors and expands upon the original. Quite satisfying, but does it warrant more sequels? Maybe. 3&1/2 out of 5

BLOOD AND BONE: Michael Jai White plays badass, honorable ex-con fighting in underground circuits. Another Lionheart remake. Bah. 2 out of 3

THE WHITE RIBBON: In a pre-WWI German village, a cruel act reveals an underlying evil. Masterful allegory on the rise of fascism. 5 out of 5

THE BROOD: Shrink invents therapy to manifest rage in flesh of patients. Mediocre Cronenberg film still tops most horror efforts. 3 out of 5

ECLIPSE: Better than the first two due to bigger battles and neat vamp backstories. Romance scenes still terminally cheezy. 3&1/2 out of 5

Thy Twitter has spoken.

-Coop

Coop’s most recent MICRO REVIEWS (via Twitter):

Yep, I’ve been slackin’. Maybe it’s the weak summer box office releases getting me down. At least I’ve been watching a lot of low-budget horror… an unapologetic passion of mine. Groovy…

IN AMERICA: Fine acting, but ultimately pretentious Oscar-bait about modern Irish immigrants. Includes an AIDS subplot? Ick. 2&1/2 out of 5.

NECROMENTIA: Ripoff of HELLRAISER in theme and visuals, but told backwards. Terrific atmosphere and creep factor. Inept story. 2 out of 5

GALAXY OF TERROR: Goofy, gory Corman shocker. Flimsy storyline with some neat H.R. Giger visuals and monsters. Worst ending ever. 2 out of 5

MACABRE: Better than average, ultra-gory killer family story out of Indonesia. Creepiest lead villain in Asian movie history. 3&1/2 out of 5

JONAH HEX: Cool comic book premise gets railroaded into cinematic hell. Everything sucks, especially Jonah’s face makeup. 1&1/2 out of 5

A-TEAM: Sloppy… but great actors/characters have undeniable chemistry. Nice action. Better than THE LOSERS. Murdock rules. 3&1/2 out of 5…

Coop’s most recent MICRO REVIEWS (via Twitter):

Got some high-rated exploitation (and one documentary) this time around! All of these movies are terrific, especially Uwe Boll’s surprisingly powerful RAMPAGE (who would have expected that one?)…

RAMPAGE: Uwe Boll knocks one out of the park. Hyperviolent domestic terrorist shocker delivers. Hell freezes over. 4 out of 5

BITCH SLAP: Fun, hyper violent, tongue-in-cheek exploitation about 3 sex bombs killing each other over loot. 3&1/2 out of 5

THE CALAMARI WRESTLER: Japanese wrestler dies and reincarnates in a mansized rubber squid suit. New camp classic. 4 out of 5

TALES FROM THE SCRIPT: A little bitter, but a must-see doc for anyone even remotely interested in screenwriting. 4 out of 5

GET HIM TO THE GREEK: Russell Brand = comedic genius. Best drug freak out scene of all time. Can’t stop giggling. 4 out of 5

I was perfectly willing to let this one go until I read the imminent Stacy Ponder’s negative review of Splice down over at the Final Girl blog. She expressed her reasons for disliking the film stem from the fact that if you take the sci-fi element of the film, you basically have a Lifetime Channel rehash of The Hand that Rocks the Cradle.

Thanks for pointing that one out, Stacy. I admit I somehow missed that one, but now that I look back, you’re 100% right and it’s obviously another subconscious reason why I hate (that which I merely disliked beforehand) Splice. I have several other reasons why the flick failed to iron my britches and I feel the intense urge to list them all below…

Coop’s most recent MICRO REVIEWS (via Twitter):

SPLICE: Frankenstein redo with icky scruples, laughably repulsive monster and jerk hipster protagonists. Uncool. 2 out of 5.

EXAM: 8 job hopefuls locked in a room with ticking clock and menacing set of rules. Cool concept, sloppy plot. 3 out of 5.

D.E.B.S.: Lesbian evil mastermind seduces crack agent of an all-girl superspy team. Spoof undermines message. 1 out of 5.

DISTRICT B13: ULTIMATUM… Cliche, low on action. Huge insult to the original which set action standards. 2 out of 5.

VALHALLA RISING: A bloody, trippy, grimy, violent, slow and pretentious allegory for the death of religion. 2 out of 5.

For many of you couples, this is probably a common argument: He wants to see the new Bruce Willis action movie while she’d rather see the latest romantic comedy starring Julie Roberts. Now this may not apply to all guys. Girls, if you have a boyfriend/husband who likes most romantic comedies and Victorian Era dramas, then hold onto him. You’ve bagged yourself a sensitive, modern guy there. Since that description doesn’t apply to the majority of men, here is some advice for women trying to convince their significant other to see the latest “chick flick” (don’t worry tough guys… this benefits you too).

Firstly, don’t ever… EVER use the word “cute” to describe a movie. As soon as guys hear a movie is “cute” or “sweet” or any other adjective that conjures images of babies and puppy dogs, they immediately…

Coop’s most recent MICRO REVIEWS (via Twitter):

THE CRAZIES (2010): Great first half, effective scares (pitchfork!) but ignored much of what worked in the original. 3 stars

[REC]2: Creative continuity/action/camerawork, but “Exorcist” twist undermines the mythology of original. 2&1/2 stars

FROM PARIS WITH LOVE: Travolta = over the top and action scenes = outrageous, a must see for action fans. 3&1/2 stars

HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON: Better than AVATAR in story and intent. Total pleasant surprise. Take kids now. 4&1/2 stars

SHE’S OUT OF MY LEAGUE: Sub-par comedy. Baruchel unlikably insecure. Cop-out ending. Title ironically true. 2 stars.

NINJA ASSASSIN: Good gore. Bad CGI shurikens. Rain = ok. Lead actress sucks. Sho Kosugi rocks. Lame plot. 2 stars.

LEGION: Amazing concept. Angels + weapons = BOOM. Weak execution. All characters unlikable. Wings clipped. 2&1/2 stars.

Homer Simpson: “You know something Marge, it’s not that tough being a film cricket.”

Me: “Bull@#$%!”

Contrary to popular belief it actually IS hard being a film cricket… I mean critic. A tough market shares some of the blame but a lot of us bloggers also have other jobs/projects/responsibilities burning on the stove. Then there’s family obligations, staying fit, the thankless job of single-handedly managing a website, not to mention the million other chores that keep us from spending our precious time at the keyboard (like we actually have to go out to see some movies for instance). For those of us who live in the sticks, the challenge of actually SEEING films can be magnified x 10. Then getting it to the publisher on time to make the paper while I’m juggling screenwriting, creating teaching documents and about a dozen other projects. What am I getting at here?…

Oh… My… God… Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new David Cronenberg. This silly indie movie had me cackling and howling for its full 90 minute run time. Did I say silly? Because I meant AWESOME. Dr. Heiter (The now imminent character actor Dieter Laser) hates humans, despite being a very weird one himself. No longer satisfied with de-freak-a-fying Siamese twins, Dr. H decides to surgically conjoin a trio of Rottweilers from maw to anus just for kicks. The result: His most cherished pet. When his beloved 3-dog dies, he creates a heartfelt tombstone for it and buries 3-dog in the backyard. Afterwards he feels a loss that only escalating unnecessary surgery can cure. His next project: THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE (FIRST SEQUENCE) is a go. That all happens BEFORE the movie starts mind you….

The first “Iron Man” movie defied expectations to become one of the most critically acclaimed and popular superhero films of all time. “Iron Man 2” retains many of the qualities (special effects, performances, humor, etc.) that made the first one great, but overall the film suffers from a minor case of “sequel-itis”.

The story picks up where the last one ended… Billionaire genius Tony Stark impulsively reveals to the world he is the armored superhero known as Iron Man. Months later the world is largely at peace due to…

An obnoxious rip off of “The A-Team”. There, I said it.

It starts off promising enough. An elite 5-man military team lead by Col. Clay (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) get betrayed by their handlers in an appropriately shocking and tragic double-cross. Disgraced but fortunately presumed dead, the team goes underground in Bolivia to live below the radar. A sleazy and mysterious woman named Aisha (Zoe Saldana who is now so overexposed and overhyped I can no longer root for her) locates the team and offers them the chance to get revenge on the ultra-powerful mastermind named Max (Jason Patric) who…

We’ve all heard the urban legend about the kid who put on a red cape and jumped out of his bedroom window after watching “Superman” back in 1978. While that story may or may not be true – and I’m honestly afraid to look it up to find out – it presents us with a cautionary tale that we are all merely human. Trying to live out foolish fantasies of superheroism could easily shorten our already limited lifespan. This is also the basic premise of the Mark Millar/John Romita comic book “Kick-Ass”, criticized for its portrayal of youth engaged in graphic violence and it’s cavalier approach to the subject. The film adaptation shares…

In Part 1, the summer movie slate didn’t look to promising from April 9 – June 11 (with the exception of “Iron Man 2” and maybe “Kick-Ass”). Let’s see how the rest of the summer movies stack up… June 18 introduces another fringe comic book hero to the silver screen with “Jonah Hex”, about a disfigured, ex-Confederate soldier turned bounty hunter (Josh Brolin) who along with a prostitute (Megan Fox) battles supernatural forces of evil unleashed by a calculating villain (John Malkovich). While this western comic book franchise has a cult following among readers, the film will test the property’s potential for mass appeal…

Many people don’t realize the beginning of spring coincides with the launch of the summer movie season. While that might sound a bit early, and it is, you may have already noticed the 3-D remake blockbuster “Clash of the Titans” has already set a few records… despite severe critical backlash. It has already begun. Here are the summer (starting in spring) movies you might decide to spend your hard-earned summer (spring) cash on. Some have me cautiously optimistic. Others, not so much. Some I’m going to preemptively encourage you to keep your money in you wallet…

Oh yeah, I’m diggin’ it. You should dig on it too unless your dead… OR IN JAIL. And if you’re in jail… BREAK OUT so you can see TRON LEGACY on December 17th. I’ll bake a cake with a jackhammer in it.

Drink in the new trailer below. I’ve watched it no less than 33 times. Did I mention that Academy Award Winning Actor Jeff Bridges stars, revising his role as hero Kevin Flynn from the original TRON? Well, he does…

58%… That’s how I scored in my predictions. Now that may not sound great (I’ve certainly scored better averages), but I’m pleased with this stat for a few reasons…

1. I scored 100% correct in the top 8 categories: Leading Actor, Supporting Actor, Leading Actress, Supporting Actress, Cinematography, Editing, Directing and Best Picture. Granted, these were pretty predictable but there was a 50/50 chance of someone else winning in most of those categories.

2. Often, my 2nd choice won the award. I figured “The Young Victoria” would probably win for Costume Design but decided (wrongly) to take a chance on “Coco Before Chanel”. I figured…

In what looks to be one of the most predictable Oscar races of all time, The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has made a few changes to their nomination format, but those changes have not ramped up the suspense in many of the categories. For the first time, 10 movies have been nominated for “Best Picture”. While that sounds unorthodox, I believe it’s a perfectly altruistic and fair move to some of those great films that don’t usually get a lot of attention come awards season. Many voters (and the media) have jumped on highly influential bandwagons to champion a select few of the nominees, so the chances for an upset or two seem few and far between. However, in the Academy Awards, upsets do happen and with the changes to the voting system this year, things could get interesting…